Wednesday, October 27, 2004

OMG!! My friend is psychic!!

10/27/04

Dear Diary,

My friend Laura is psychic!! After the Red Sox went down 3 games to 0 to the evil, evil Yankees, she predicted that the Red Sox would win the World Series and tonight they did - OMG! All under a blood red moon! The devil must be inside her! I may have to ask Captain Howdy if Laura is his right hand woman. Scaaaaary...

So as you know Diary, I had reservations regarding the Sox in the World Series with the Astros - the whole Massachusetts vs. Texas thing as far as it relates to the popularity contest this coming Tuesday. I sort of breathed a sigh of relief when the Cardinals got in until I remembered that they play at Busch Stadium. Well, paraphrasing that crazy James Carville, the Ragin' Cajun, our beloved college advisor, as seen in the documentary "The War Room," "Busch Stadium, I don't want no tired, old Busch Stadium!"

So let's celebrate tonight, but only tonight Diary, for there is still work to be done. It is only one leg in the trifecta in the confluence of sports and politics. This Sunday, we MUST take off our red socks and put on our cheese heads and root for Green Bay Packers when they play the Washington Redskins in Fed Ex Stadium.

Why?

Well, we have to root for them because Tammy is soooo dreamy and she's from Wisconsin (even though she may have fallen for that Blake Goddard, that cigarette smoking, beret wearing, artsy punk. But really, who am I to complain? That guy is so cool, you can hang meat in him) but we MUST root for the Packers this Sunday because since 1936, when the Redskins started playing football, if the Redskins lose their last home game in Washington before a popularity contest, the incumbent party has lost the election. When they have won their last home game, the incumbent has stayed in power.

What does this mean?

Diary, it means that if the Packers win at Fed Ex stadium, that would mean that sometime between 11/3/04 to 12/31/04, George B. would be lame (which we all knew) and on 1/1/05, he would be an Ex Federal official! The poetry of it all can't get anymore poetic, since Wisconsin is a swing neighborhood AND it's also the birthplace of our high school's progressive party!! Also, maybe if I root hard enough on Sunday - if I can root my little heart out - maybe, just maybe Tammy will like me instead of those other dreamy guys!

Diary, I love it when a plan comes together!!

Looking for my Favre jersey and foam cheesehead,
David

Thursday, October 21, 2004

We Are All Red Sox Tonight

10/21/04

Dear Diary,

First off: Wow. This is historic - never before done in the history of
baseball.

Secondly, I love seeing A-Rod and the rest of those overpaid losers eat
it while the Red Sox are celebrating in their "house".

Thirdly, Curt Schilling is a hoss. I wish I will be like him, torn
achilles tendon and all, when I grow up. He may not be dreamy in the
dreamy sense, but he's dreamy in the "hoss" sense. That dude's got
stickers all up and down his tendon and stuff. Diary, his socks were
literally red!

But something troubles me, Diary...if the Astros win today, then it's a
Massachusetts vs. Texas World Series, kinda like the popularity contest
is between the guy from the Massachusetts side of the schoolyard and
the guy from the Texas side of the schoolyard. Is there too much
synchronicity happening? Very scary, Diary. Too much stuff coming
together, like The Bible Code.

If the 'Stros (I hate that Mike Scott, no-hitting my Giants back in
1986) win today and go on to face the Red Sox, then I'd just as soon
give Texas the World Series and give Massachusetts the popularity
contest. But then, if the Red Sox win the World Series and the guy
from the Massachusetts side of the schoolyard wins the popularity
contest then will this usher in a new era of peace - uh...civics class
don't fail me now - "Not a Pax Americana enforced on the world by
American weapons of war. Not the peace of the grave or the security of
the slave. I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that
makes life on earth worth living, the kind that enables men and nations
to grow and to hope and to build a better life for their children, not
merely peace for Americans but peace for all men and women, not merely
peace in our time but peace for all time."

Ha! Public schools aren't as bad as the "media" says they are (okay,
Diary, I Googled it).

Or maybe as someone else said, "If the Red Sox ever win the World
Series, then that's the dawn of the Apocalypse." Or maybe he meant to
say The Cubs...

In a field of dreams,
David

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Popularity Contest!!

10/7/04

Dear Diary,

Now that my birthday is done with, I can start focusing on more important things - like the big popularity contest that's coming up in November! Now since I don't own a Trapper Keeper, I can't be as cool or popular as that bitch Claire Richards, but as cool as she may be, she can't hold a candle to the John Johns or Monkey Boy and Darth Cheney who are running against each other to be president and vice-president of the school.

At the last debate in the cafeteria, Darth sorta said to John Edwards: "John, I AM YOUR FATHER" - scary. Darth Cheney sort of reminds me of an ogre but not like a cute one like Shrek. John Edwards, on the other hand, is dreamy!

Anyway, since I am nervous about getting into a good college (and since I saw Rushmore), I'm like joining every club I can. In addition to the theatre club, the cooking club, the crochet club, the get along gang, the care bear carers, the most recent club I joined is the Jewish club on campus and on my first day, they elected me to be the voice of their voter registration project. They don't have Trapper Keepers either or even cool stickers like I do. Actually, I think that's why they let someone Chinese like I am join. It's totally about the stickers.

Anyway, if anyone needs to register to vote for the popularity contest, they can call 323-761-8242 to listen to me tell them how to register - it's fast and easy and even if their moms and dads have the internet on parental controls, they can't lock down the online voter registration because that would mean that they were...oh, I learned this in civics class yesterday - "disenfranchising" or something like that. I 'm not sure what disen' franchises like McDonald's, KFC, and Jack in the Box, has anything to do with voter registration and popularity contests but I'm only 10 years old so what the hell do I know? I mean, why would you want to dis them? They make yummy food!

But yummy in the tummy isn't the point: the deadline to register is October 18th and it's important that people register because I hear that Monkey Boy and Darth Cheney are trying to suppress the vote like they did a few years ago. More important, of course, is to vote on November 2nd. Even more important is my friends spreading the word to their friends who may not be registered and who don't live in our neighborhood, especially if they have friends who live in neighborhoods like Ohio, Florida, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and other swinging places. I'm not old enough but if I was, I totally would have moved to the Wisconsin neighborhood to vote. Like totally. I even tried but my mom wouldn't let me. She said I wouldn't be able to take care of myself. whatEVER!!!

Not to spell out my own leanings in the popularity, but Monkey Boy and Darth Cheney can eat it for all I care. I mean they won once and stuff. They should totally share the popularity.

Love,
David

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Birthday Fun!

10/5/04

Dear Diary,

My friends are the best! They made my birthday so much fun! Even the ones that couldn't come had good reasons (the joke's on them, Diary, because my mom got us all party favors from the Hello Kitty store! Cool party favors like Cinamaroll and Hello Kitty stickers, pencils, gum, and candy!).

Among other stuff (one of which was NOT the Giants winning the division - poopy Dodgers - Steve Finley is a meany), I got my Kogepan doll, thanks to Justina who's the leader of the theatre group in high school. Debbie, who hates Claire and her cool-girl girlfriends, tried to get me a Trapper Keeper to make me cool and give me a place to put all of my stickers but couldn't find one because I guess they don't make Trapper Keepers anymore (God, I guess Claire and her friends are so much cooler now since they have those fresh velcro folders). Craig got me a book called Light Sleeper screenplay by Paul Schrader. On the cover is that funny looking guy who played the Green Goblin in Spiderman. Katie got me a subscription to www.NetFlix.com but since my parents have put all the parental controls on the internet, I don't even know what netflix.com is. I wonder if it's a porn site. Katie has always been a little bit edgy. And then I got a lot of beer. I don't know what I'm going to do with all of this beer. I hear it makes you feel funny, it tastes like pee, and that it makes you fat. Ethan and Laura got me the beer of the month club, Zanne and Marisa actually bought me beers that my dad confiscated. I was smart enough to hide one away under my pillow. It seems to be calling to me right now. Maybe I should open it and taste it.

EEEEWWWW! It tastes like bubbly pee!

MMMMMMMM! But I feel like floaty!

I must be drunk.

I luv my frienz!

*burp*,
David