Our School's Sad Yearbook

11/12/04

Dear Diary,

So picture time came and went and again, this year, my parents didn't buy me a yearbook. How do they expect me to remember the time of my life in high school without yearbooks to remind me? I mean, like totally, what's the deal? It's only $45 and stuff. My mom and dad say that we have to eat but I tell them that I'm okay with Ramen noodles and stuff and they are only a 25 cents a pack in the supermarket (and they still say that I don't know how to be frugal - pshaw!).

Anyway, thanks to Al Gore's Internet (I think he's got a trademark pending on that name) my school has been able to put the yearbook online. Since I only have dial-up (accelerated on AOL!) it's hard for me to see all the pictures but it seems like all my friends are so sad and sorry about what happened last Tuesday. Here's the yearbook link: http://sorryeverybody.com It's kind of moving to see 49% of a high school rise up and apologize for not doing enough, there's something like there's a kinship going on or something.

I've been so sorry that I've been hella carbo-loading. My mom is angry at me because she spent all that money to get me on Atkins and I'm just letting myself go. She hates it when I do that.

Anyway, apparently Bush and Dick (tee-hee) will not going on a man date for 4 years. This site even says so: www.notamandate.org. I don't know why people care. If they want to be gay together, we should let them. This is what messed us up on Tuesday - 51% of our high school didn't want man dates or woman dates.

I mean, dude. Diary, can't we all just get along?

Oh, and Diary, check out the funky maps of my high school that tracks how people voted: http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mejn/election/ If you look at the homeroom by homeroom results, you'll see a funny thing. The homerooms near water were totally for Kerry and Dreamy Edwards (Pacific, Atlantic, Great Lakes, Mississippi River, Colorado River) while the landlocked homerooms were overwhelmingly for Dick and Bush (tee-hee). My theory: large bodies of water make people normal (Alaska doesn't count because they're like Eskimos up there and stuff). My plan for 2006 and 2008, rush to all the landlocked places with firehoses and make rivers and lakes in people's backyards and swimming pools.

Anyway, Diary, my mom is telling me to get off Al Gore's Internet and go downstairs to do the dishes - there are many plates of pasta to be cleaned. Maybe when I grow up, I'll be a professional dishwasher - those dudes have fun, they play in water all day long!

Yours, swimming upstream,
David