Dear Diary,
I used to think it was pretty cool that my birthday was the same as CB code for "loud and clear, good buddy." Now it's gotten old. It's kind of like getting called David Lee Roth all through pre-school, kindergarten, Elementary School, and Middle School, so now that I'm in high school, I'm going to turn over a new leaf. This year, we're going to celebrate the b-day this Saturday, 10-2. Diary, *sigh* I told you to mark you calendar...
My mom has arranged these activities for the day:
I have to get up early to make breakfast. She says breakfast is the most important meal of the day so on my day, I'm going to eat a nice hearty breakfast. My friends don't have to be part of that. It's okay if they don't show up at 6:30 AM.
Then my mom says I get to chillax at home and maybe take a nap, because I'll have gotten up real early to eat a good breakfast.
Then, at 8:00 PM, at the Split.Id Theatre, it's Specter's Closing Night (www.splitid.com). I hear from Justina that it's good and spooky. If my friends say that they are there for the birthday special, they get to get in for half-price, or 2 for 1, or 6 of one, half a dozen of another or something like that...uh...Diary, i just confused myself. I think the deal is, if you go and mention the birthday special, you get in for 1/2 price.
Then, at 9:30 PM my mom says I can stay up late and go to Frank N Hank's (518 S. Western Ave., a few blocks north of Wilshire: http://losangeles.citysearch.com/map?mode=geo&id=11416045&map_lat=340650&map_lon=-1183090&fid=5&cslink=profile_map_cust&ulink=profile_5_vitalinfo_1___map__1). She says it's her favorite dive bar in Los Angeles. Why you would want to dive at a bar in Los Angeles is beyond me since I can't swim, but maybe they have those arm floaty things so I might be okay. I hope no girls show up in their bathing suits. That would be embarrassing for me. Anyway, my mom says there is a rice cooker at Frank N Hank's in case I get hungry.
Then, after, who knows: Brass Monkey? Oooo, oooo, oooo, I hear Britney Spears sings there when she karaokes in LA! Orchid? Who knows? I mean, you only turn 15 once.
Oooo - Saturday, very exciting...
Diary, here's my birthday wish list:
1) My friends to show up.
2) Claire Richards to not show up because she made fun of my haircut. For all I care, she can eat it too, along with those punks Neal Weaver and Lovell Estell.
3) My mom to finally rent a pony for my party.
4) If not a pony, then maybe a pinata filled with Kogepan (yeah! Burnt Bread Man who is depressed and drinks milk as beer) and Afroken (his afro changes to make friends with everybody!) stickers, especially the ones I don't have.
5) A Kogepan doll.
6) I want Strongbad to finally return my emails.
7) The Giants to win the last few games to a) overtake the dummy Dodgers or b) win the wildcard. Come to think of it, The Dummy Dodgers can eat it too, and c) to win the World Series. If they do I'll just faint.
8) A rad Trapper Keeper so I can be popular too.
9) A Hello Kitty pencil box to keep all of my new pencils, it is back to school time after all.
10) My dad tells me I should wish for beer. Ylech, beer. Who wants beer?
I'm having a party, Diary. I hope my friends come. It won't be the same without them. I hope they come.
Diary, 10-4 good buddy?
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Thursday, September 23, 2004
It's My Birthday and I'll Cry if I want to
9/24/04
Dear Diary,
Claire Richards is such a bitch. Just because she's sooooo popular, she thinks she can make fun of my new haircut. It's not my fault - my mom told the girl who cut my hair to make it short. I thought I registered my complaint when I said, "Mom, you're gonna make me look like a jerk!" Apparently no one heard me. I even tried to hit my mom (I know....I'm sorry) but she was walking towards the styling products section so I missed. Anyway, Claire said I looked like a jerk and then she ran over to all her cool-girl girlfriends and they laughed at me. One of them even dropped her Trapper Keeper with all the Hello Kitty stickers on it. I wanted to pick it up for her but I was soooooo embarrassed.
This sucks, Diary because my birthday is next week and I think there may be a shindig next Saturday (10/2) and I'm going to look like a jerk. My mom did buy me some styling products but I don't know what to do with pomade. What's pomade? It smells like sweet burning. Ewwww...
Anyway, I'm not sure what the plan is yet but I think the options are:
1) Drinks at Frank and Hank's
2) Mini-golf at the Sherman Oaks Castle
3) Video Games @ Dave and Busters!
4) Chuck E. Cheese!
5) Karaoke!
I think the leading vote getter is drinks @ Frank and Hanks but I'll know more later. I hope Tammy can come. She's dreamy. Oh - what if D.W. Sweet comes, too? There will be too much dreaminess in the room for me to handle! I might faint!
I wish my birthday could be in a cool place like Caroline Gordon-Eliot's. Hers was at Raging Waters. My mom wouldn't let me go because she was afraid of me seeing girls in their swimsuits. That and I can't swim.
I'll keep you posted, Diary about the plans for Saturday. For now, you can just mark you calendar.
15 going on 29,
David
Dear Diary,
Claire Richards is such a bitch. Just because she's sooooo popular, she thinks she can make fun of my new haircut. It's not my fault - my mom told the girl who cut my hair to make it short. I thought I registered my complaint when I said, "Mom, you're gonna make me look like a jerk!" Apparently no one heard me. I even tried to hit my mom (I know....I'm sorry) but she was walking towards the styling products section so I missed. Anyway, Claire said I looked like a jerk and then she ran over to all her cool-girl girlfriends and they laughed at me. One of them even dropped her Trapper Keeper with all the Hello Kitty stickers on it. I wanted to pick it up for her but I was soooooo embarrassed.
This sucks, Diary because my birthday is next week and I think there may be a shindig next Saturday (10/2) and I'm going to look like a jerk. My mom did buy me some styling products but I don't know what to do with pomade. What's pomade? It smells like sweet burning. Ewwww...
Anyway, I'm not sure what the plan is yet but I think the options are:
1) Drinks at Frank and Hank's
2) Mini-golf at the Sherman Oaks Castle
3) Video Games @ Dave and Busters!
4) Chuck E. Cheese!
5) Karaoke!
I think the leading vote getter is drinks @ Frank and Hanks but I'll know more later. I hope Tammy can come. She's dreamy. Oh - what if D.W. Sweet comes, too? There will be too much dreaminess in the room for me to handle! I might faint!
I wish my birthday could be in a cool place like Caroline Gordon-Eliot's. Hers was at Raging Waters. My mom wouldn't let me go because she was afraid of me seeing girls in their swimsuits. That and I can't swim.
I'll keep you posted, Diary about the plans for Saturday. For now, you can just mark you calendar.
15 going on 29,
David
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Sooo Sad
Dear Diary,
I'm so sad about soooo many things: For one, I'm getting really nervous about the election. It doesn't look good for my guy and the other guy makes me feel "funny" and not in a funny "haha" sort of way. It's more of a scary "funny" like a little boy's bathing suit area after a slumber party at Neverland Ranch. Voting for the other guy is sort of like those parents that keep sending their kids back to Neverland, unless their kids are girls, at which point...I don't know...
For two, I've been having technical issues with my computer. Now I can't iChat with all of my friends and print out the latest pages from Britney Spears' Wedding Journal (Don't worry Diary, you're still the only "Diary" to me). How will I ever keep up with the wild exploits of Britney and Kevin? I think she's just doing this to make Justin sad. But if Justin actually attains his wish of becoming white Michael Jackson...wait, white Michael Jackson already exists...
For three READAPTATION is over and I'm so sad. It was such a fun show. I saw every single one and I even got the cast autograph. D.W. Sweet even sweated one me (*swoon*)... but now it's all over...
But, there are two new shows that I'm excited about and that I'm going to see. I swear, Diary, if they don't cure me of my end of summer doldrums, I don't know what I'll do, but I know they will. The one at the Split.Id Theatre is a psychological thrilled called SPECTER and it sounds cool and scaaaary and atmospheric. It stars Samantha Aisling and Dominic Savio, who were wonderful in READAPTATION (they were better than D.W. Sweet, but not as dreamy) and it's directed by Valente Rodriguez who's a star on the "George Lopez Show". It plays Fridays and Saturdays @ 8 PM with a couple of Sunday Twilight shows (oooo).
The other play is EVOLUTION OF SUNDAY at the Hudson Guild Theatre. It stars Braden Tenney and Zanne Walls. It plays Fridays and Saturdays at 8 PM too. I saw a special screening of THE MARRIAGE OF CHARLIE JOHNSON, which Braden stars in, and boy - that guy is dreamy. Two shows, two days. Maybe I'll make a weekend of it. I hope those people who steal and read you will go check these plays out.
Yours 4-ever! David
I'm so sad about soooo many things: For one, I'm getting really nervous about the election. It doesn't look good for my guy and the other guy makes me feel "funny" and not in a funny "haha" sort of way. It's more of a scary "funny" like a little boy's bathing suit area after a slumber party at Neverland Ranch. Voting for the other guy is sort of like those parents that keep sending their kids back to Neverland, unless their kids are girls, at which point...I don't know...
For two, I've been having technical issues with my computer. Now I can't iChat with all of my friends and print out the latest pages from Britney Spears' Wedding Journal (Don't worry Diary, you're still the only "Diary" to me). How will I ever keep up with the wild exploits of Britney and Kevin? I think she's just doing this to make Justin sad. But if Justin actually attains his wish of becoming white Michael Jackson...wait, white Michael Jackson already exists...
For three READAPTATION is over and I'm so sad. It was such a fun show. I saw every single one and I even got the cast autograph. D.W. Sweet even sweated one me (*swoon*)... but now it's all over...
But, there are two new shows that I'm excited about and that I'm going to see. I swear, Diary, if they don't cure me of my end of summer doldrums, I don't know what I'll do, but I know they will. The one at the Split.Id Theatre is a psychological thrilled called SPECTER and it sounds cool and scaaaary and atmospheric. It stars Samantha Aisling and Dominic Savio, who were wonderful in READAPTATION (they were better than D.W. Sweet, but not as dreamy) and it's directed by Valente Rodriguez who's a star on the "George Lopez Show". It plays Fridays and Saturdays @ 8 PM with a couple of Sunday Twilight shows (oooo).
The other play is EVOLUTION OF SUNDAY at the Hudson Guild Theatre. It stars Braden Tenney and Zanne Walls. It plays Fridays and Saturdays at 8 PM too. I saw a special screening of THE MARRIAGE OF CHARLIE JOHNSON, which Braden stars in, and boy - that guy is dreamy. Two shows, two days. Maybe I'll make a weekend of it. I hope those people who steal and read you will go check these plays out.
Yours 4-ever! David
My Fresh New Job
Dear Diary,
I hate The Lemmings Associated Weekly, our high school paper. The "theatre" critic, this 10th year senior named Neil Weaver, came to see READAPTATION last weekend and his review came out today. God, he must be dense. We weren't trying to satirize or cannibalize the works of screenwriter ANDY Kaufman. It was Charlie Kaufman who wrote ADAPTATION. Or maybe the public school system is really in worse shape than we have been lead to believe that they can't even hire a fact checker for a play that happened at their own school. Just ask. Besides, it's not like we don't say "Charlie Kaufman" enough times in the play...jeez...
Maybe I'm dumb. Maybe Neil is trying to make meta-references, like he's trying to out-meta us. That 10th year senior doesn't know who he is dealing with. Diary, I am going to have a career change right now. I am now going to be a "Meta-Critic". I'm going to go see shows that the critics in this dummy highschool go to see, the same exact shows, and then read their reviews and write my own based on their reviews. Someone's gotta put these guys on notice and if it has to be me, Diary, then it has to be me. Besides, 've always taken to heart that Michael Jackson song, "Man in the Mirror." ("You gotta start with yourself/Shamon/Make that change!/Man in the Mirror!") Here's my first meta-review. Check it out, Diary, I think it rocks!
RE-ADAPTATION: STAGING JOHN MALKOVICH - THE META-REVIEW
by Neal Weaver and David Lee
This zany piece, written by Stephen Flores and Blake Goddard, based on Dominick [Dominic] Savio's story "The OC Harasser," attempts to satirize (or cannibalize?) [The attempt is both, though perhaps the satirical leanings of the show falls a little flat] the works of screenwriter Andy Kaufman by re-telling the story of Adaptation in the fractured style of Being John Malkovich [This is a fascinating read, Mr. Weaver. You may be stretching here by locating our "historical" forebear in comic Andy Kaufman, who often had a contentious, and often hilarious, relationship with reality and hyperreality. He was certainly a postmodern comic, but in actual fact, it's Charlie Kaufman who collaborated with Spike Jonze on those two projects. So this result of bad fact checking actually adds an interesting level of meaning. Also, you have it backwards - it should be "retelling the story of Being John Malkovich in the fractured style of Adaptation. The problem is, however, is that Adaptation is not particularly fractured. That was our invention, rather, not invention as in an "invention" but invention more as new layer on top of these two works]. However, due to all the homage and badinage [I love that word. Thanks!], the only original element (the story of the Orange Country harasser) gets lost in the shuffle [Surely. In Adaptation did you have the same problem where the story of The Orchid Thief gets lost in the shuffle?]. We never learn the precise nature of the harassment, though it does seem to have so traumatized Stephen Flores (played by Stephen Flores), that he was driven to create an alter-ego named Dominick Savio - the writer of the source material, played by Michael Rex [The precise nature of the harassment isn't the point. We could argue whether or not it is important to learn the precise nature of the harassment, but that would be an irrelevant point since the real story of "The OC Harasser" is how Dominic/Stephen has breaks the vicious cycle of cyclical maladaptive pattern in the postmodern world]. There's a perfunctory plot about an actress (Jen Martino) who stirs up an insurrection to take over the theater, but it peters out [Without this perfunctory plot, which is a dramatization of what happened in OC, there would be no reason for Act II. In light of this, is it still perfunctory? And it can only peter out if you consider Act II completely detached from Act I]. The play is strategically confusing, a tactic borne out by the playfully useless Dadaist program [I think a Dadaist program would have included entries like "poop thief" and the like. We would rather think that our program is a "playfully useless" annotation of the script]: The prologue appears as the second scene in Act 2, followed by scenes 3, 7 and 11 [How does this help explicate the show?]. Direction is by Savio and David Lee (who is played by Asian-American actor D.W. Sweet, who also appears as Elvis Presley, Audrey Hepburn and an ancient Peruvian) [This is probably the closest thing to fact in your review, though I actually think 'Bolivian' is more factually accurate]. A comically slapdash dance number at the end has little to do with previous action, but seems to please the audience [But did it please YOU? Because {singing}, "we wanna please you like we should"]. Split.Id Theater at the Complex, 6470 Santa Monica Blvd., Hlywd.; Sun., 7:30 p.m.; thru Aug. 29. (323) 462-2662. Written 08/26/2004 (Neal Weaver/David Lee)
Diary, you are always so good to listen to me when I rant. That Neal Weaver and Lemmings Associated Weekly can eat it, for all I care!
Yours, in the mirror,
David
I hate The Lemmings Associated Weekly, our high school paper. The "theatre" critic, this 10th year senior named Neil Weaver, came to see READAPTATION last weekend and his review came out today. God, he must be dense. We weren't trying to satirize or cannibalize the works of screenwriter ANDY Kaufman. It was Charlie Kaufman who wrote ADAPTATION. Or maybe the public school system is really in worse shape than we have been lead to believe that they can't even hire a fact checker for a play that happened at their own school. Just ask. Besides, it's not like we don't say "Charlie Kaufman" enough times in the play...jeez...
Maybe I'm dumb. Maybe Neil is trying to make meta-references, like he's trying to out-meta us. That 10th year senior doesn't know who he is dealing with. Diary, I am going to have a career change right now. I am now going to be a "Meta-Critic". I'm going to go see shows that the critics in this dummy highschool go to see, the same exact shows, and then read their reviews and write my own based on their reviews. Someone's gotta put these guys on notice and if it has to be me, Diary, then it has to be me. Besides, 've always taken to heart that Michael Jackson song, "Man in the Mirror." ("You gotta start with yourself/Shamon/Make that change!/Man in the Mirror!") Here's my first meta-review. Check it out, Diary, I think it rocks!
RE-ADAPTATION: STAGING JOHN MALKOVICH - THE META-REVIEW
by Neal Weaver and David Lee
This zany piece, written by Stephen Flores and Blake Goddard, based on Dominick [Dominic] Savio's story "The OC Harasser," attempts to satirize (or cannibalize?) [The attempt is both, though perhaps the satirical leanings of the show falls a little flat] the works of screenwriter Andy Kaufman by re-telling the story of Adaptation in the fractured style of Being John Malkovich [This is a fascinating read, Mr. Weaver. You may be stretching here by locating our "historical" forebear in comic Andy Kaufman, who often had a contentious, and often hilarious, relationship with reality and hyperreality. He was certainly a postmodern comic, but in actual fact, it's Charlie Kaufman who collaborated with Spike Jonze on those two projects. So this result of bad fact checking actually adds an interesting level of meaning. Also, you have it backwards - it should be "retelling the story of Being John Malkovich in the fractured style of Adaptation. The problem is, however, is that Adaptation is not particularly fractured. That was our invention, rather, not invention as in an "invention" but invention more as new layer on top of these two works]. However, due to all the homage and badinage [I love that word. Thanks!], the only original element (the story of the Orange Country harasser) gets lost in the shuffle [Surely. In Adaptation did you have the same problem where the story of The Orchid Thief gets lost in the shuffle?]. We never learn the precise nature of the harassment, though it does seem to have so traumatized Stephen Flores (played by Stephen Flores), that he was driven to create an alter-ego named Dominick Savio - the writer of the source material, played by Michael Rex [The precise nature of the harassment isn't the point. We could argue whether or not it is important to learn the precise nature of the harassment, but that would be an irrelevant point since the real story of "The OC Harasser" is how Dominic/Stephen has breaks the vicious cycle of cyclical maladaptive pattern in the postmodern world]. There's a perfunctory plot about an actress (Jen Martino) who stirs up an insurrection to take over the theater, but it peters out [Without this perfunctory plot, which is a dramatization of what happened in OC, there would be no reason for Act II. In light of this, is it still perfunctory? And it can only peter out if you consider Act II completely detached from Act I]. The play is strategically confusing, a tactic borne out by the playfully useless Dadaist program [I think a Dadaist program would have included entries like "poop thief" and the like. We would rather think that our program is a "playfully useless" annotation of the script]: The prologue appears as the second scene in Act 2, followed by scenes 3, 7 and 11 [How does this help explicate the show?]. Direction is by Savio and David Lee (who is played by Asian-American actor D.W. Sweet, who also appears as Elvis Presley, Audrey Hepburn and an ancient Peruvian) [This is probably the closest thing to fact in your review, though I actually think 'Bolivian' is more factually accurate]. A comically slapdash dance number at the end has little to do with previous action, but seems to please the audience [But did it please YOU? Because {singing}, "we wanna please you like we should"]. Split.Id Theater at the Complex, 6470 Santa Monica Blvd., Hlywd.; Sun., 7:30 p.m.; thru Aug. 29. (323) 462-2662. Written 08/26/2004 (Neal Weaver/David Lee)
Diary, you are always so good to listen to me when I rant. That Neal Weaver and Lemmings Associated Weekly can eat it, for all I care!
Yours, in the mirror,
David
SRO?
Dear Diary,
There are only 8 remaining seats for Sunday's last performance of READAPTATION. I would so love to add seats and/or have it be SRO on Sunday and there are so many of my friends who STILL haven't seen it yet. I mean, why wouldn't they want to see a show that was almost received a cease and desist order from Charlie Kaufman and Spike Jonze? I so wish they would let me know they were coming - 8 friends specifically - I think they know who they are.
Should I email them, Diary?
I don't know - that just seems so passive aggressive - I guess I could call them but Diary, you know I hate the telephone, it just scares me so.
Oh well, I guess I'll just sit here and write to you, because you always listen to me.
Your friend forever,
David
There are only 8 remaining seats for Sunday's last performance of READAPTATION. I would so love to add seats and/or have it be SRO on Sunday and there are so many of my friends who STILL haven't seen it yet. I mean, why wouldn't they want to see a show that was almost received a cease and desist order from Charlie Kaufman and Spike Jonze? I so wish they would let me know they were coming - 8 friends specifically - I think they know who they are.
Should I email them, Diary?
I don't know - that just seems so passive aggressive - I guess I could call them but Diary, you know I hate the telephone, it just scares me so.
Oh well, I guess I'll just sit here and write to you, because you always listen to me.
Your friend forever,
David
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